"His sixth great grandchild"


For months now we have anticipate a life changing, middle of the night phone call.  At 2:00 Sunday morning we got a phone call that was just that.  This phone call was not at all the one we were hoping for, but instead one of those dreaded, although somewhat anticipated calls.  My Papa (grandfather on my mother's side) had gone to be with the Lord.


He had been battling cancer for awhile now and had suffered pretty significantly.  For that reason his death was somewhat of a relief.  None of us want our loved ones to suffer, especially when the alternative is eternal life pain and worry free with our Creator and Savior.


As I have tried to process this new reality over the last day or so, my thoughts keep creeping back to the last time I saw him.  It was back in May at my cousins wedding.  It was a beautiful evening, almost magical you might say.  The wedding was gorgeous and the reception was so beautifully done.  It was so much fun having most of the family together.  It had been such a long time since so many of us had been in one place.  I kept watching Papa as each of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids interacted with him throughout the evening.  He would light up for each of us and proudly posed for numerous photos.  He was so happy just to have all of us so close.  As it came close to time for him to leave, I hugged him and whispered in his ear that he was going to be getting another great grandchild in August and went on to tell him all about our, since failed, private adoption plan.  He hugged me so tightly, and as tears streamed down his face he told me that he loved me so much and that he was so happy that he was going to have another great grandbaby. 


As I mentioned earlier in the post, I have mostly felt grateful that Papa is no longer in pain.  This afternoon, though, as I was reading my aunt's facebook post about his funeral arrangements and his obituary that gratitude briefly flipped to selfish grief.  As I was reading the "survived by" part of his obituary, uncontrollable tears began to stream down my face.  It said after the named list of children, " 9 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren."  That is all he will have ever known even though number 6 is so close.  My child will never know him.  I will never get to see his face light up as he holds him or her.  I suppose this is even harder for me to process this week as two of our "almost babies" were due to be born this week.  We had thought for so long that this would be the week we would be getting our middle of the night call, just not this one.


To my Papa,  I love you so much too!  I will miss your tight hugs and your sweet, whispery, "I love yous."  I promise to tell your number 6 how much you would've loved him or her.  He/she will not know you, but they will know about you.  You lived a long, full, and at times hard life, but now it is time for you to find peace and rest.


To all of my readers, I thank you as always for your interest in our story.  I ask that you keep us in your prayers especially this week.  This is a hard week for us, but I know that we will get through just as we always do, by the grace of God.  It encourages me to know that each passing day brings us one day closer to holding our long anticipated child tightly in our arms.